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The Neapolitan Ice Cream of Feelings

Today marks my 34th turn around the sun.

Over the past week I have been feeling all the feels, with Deacon's due date coming up May 11th and Mother's Day and my birthday, the emotions are running high.

The beauty that I am experiencing is that there are more than one emotion being felt at one time. I am not 100% sure that I have ever truly experienced this before. In one moment I am happy, sad, content, proud, grieving all at the exact same time - It feels like the neoplitan ice cream of feelings - all together and feeling them individually too.

For the first time in my life I can wholeheartedly say that I am happy. I am living in a space of true happiness and even on the more emotionally trying days, my foundation is in joy and love. When the sadness rises, it is in a space of joy and love. It is seen, felt, processed - for me through tears, and released and the feeling that I am left with is more joy and love.

This has not always been the case. There was a time, not so long ago, that when the sadness passed (if the sadness passed) it left me feeling empty, lost, confused and the only way I found my footing was when the next wave of sadness would rise.

I was lost without the sadness and felt panic when it would go as I had no foundation. My foundation was built upon who I thought I "should" be, leaving me with a lack of authenticity to fall back on.

My journey to building my foundation of joy and love was an act of trailblazing. Each of us who chooses to walk the journey back to ourselves is a trailblazer. No one has walked your journey before and no one ever will walk it again. Each journey is unique and beautiful and full of medicine and tools gained along the way for you to use along the remainder of your journey to assist others. The willingness to walk through uncharted territory is work. It can be emotional, challenging and will most certainly reshape you. EVERY DAMN STEP IS WORTH IT!

There have been moments this week of feeling immense amounts of pride. Pride for how far I have come and where I am headed followed by waves of sadness that if my life had gone a different way, I would be a mother of a 2 year old, planning a second birthday juggling being a Mom, a wife and whatever else I would be doing with my life! Taking a moment to think about how things could have been brings up sadness AND also brings up pride.

I went back to school and completed my first program EVER....I quit my secure, safe and well paying sales job to embark on entrepreneurship. I am dedicating my life to not only my personal growth, development and continued trailblazing, I have dedicated my life to holding space for other women to process and to walk beside them as they blaze their own trails.

If someone had told me that at 34, I would be a counsellor, working with women to process their traumas and come back to their true authentic selves, I would have though they were insane AND here I am...doing exactly that, feeling more love, joy and pride than I ever knew possible.


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