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The Wolf Pack

Photo by Yannick Menard on Unsplash

When I began this spiritual journey I am on, I was surrounded by incredible humans who I love and I knew loved me and yet I was always on the search for more. More of what, I was never entirely sure. I would hop from friendship to friendship and felt deeply in each one and was committed to the friendship and I never truly ever felt seen.

I have always been the friend and family member that everyone comes to when they need support, love, comfort and all around an ear to bend. I happily took this role and felt that if nothing else, it brought value to me as a person that people could depend on. The person that my friends and family could rely on whether they could see me and I mean see my heart, see my soul, or not.

Now let me be clear in that, I never allowed anyone to truly see me. This was of no one else's doing but my own. I made every effort to see others and support other because it distracted from me ever having to be fully authentically me.

Here is the shift in the narrative. Without realizing I was doing it, I was living the life of a lone wolf. Feeling lonely and unseen and feeling as though it was because no one in my life wanted to take the time to really see me. The truth of the matter is, I had to take responsibility for how and what people saw of me as I was controlling the narrative. I wanted people to see me having it all together. I had a bit of a hero complex as I needed to be seen as the helper and never wanted anyone to know if and when I needed help. I walked this path as a detriment to myself and all of the people around me that loved me and wanted to be in full support of me.

It was in the realization that in order to walk fully live in my skin, the skin I had been given in this life, I was required to begin owning my story. Courageously confronting the traumas and road blocks I had faced and begin seeing them as life's classroom; lessons of the heart mind and soul, detours to a more beautiful landscape and trusting that if I was standing completely, unapologetic in my truth, the people that loved me would stick around and continue to love me; all of me, not just the pretty put together parts. And the people who are unable to be with me in all the muck and the mess no longer would no longer have the understanding of who I was in all my beauty.

See, the most difficult path to finding out pack is the belief that we must find the people and then find a way to fit in. Perhaps this wasn't the case for everyone and for me, my reality growing up was that I found the people and then as long I gave them what they wanted from me and I was the person that they expected me to be, I had great friendships. I really had it all wrong. Finding out and discovering who I am and who I want to be began to give me a path of breadcrumbs that when followed lead me to like minded people. Women who loved and empowered other women, men who valued strong women who use their voices and courageously lead, women who are courageously walking the tightrope of life knowing that they could fall off at any moment and also knowing that they have created the most amazing support network that even if they do fall, there will be a core group of people cheering them on to get back up again.

Making the decision to uproot the life Daren and I have always known, the life that was working just fine and was comfortable, was one of the scariest decisions we have ever made. The truth that we were confronted with was the truth that although our life was working and comfortable, neither one of us was living to our fullest potential. This doesn't mean financially or "success" in the common use of the world, this mean neither of us felt that the life we were living was the life where are souls could expand, grow, learn and progress to where both of us know is possible. We are not Lucky, we are fortunate to have the support and the love for each other and our families to step outside the norms of both our families and still feel deeply loved and supported. This decision, based solely on courage and trust, could not have been made had Daren and I not taken the time and energy and focused on growing and developing our relationship to the point where we now know we can overcome any obstacle. Our love and commitment to each other goes far beyond the makings of a house and a home and reaches to the depths of our souls understanding and support for one another.

The importance of a soul partner (however that takes shape- a romantic, platonic, perhaps even an animal soul connection) is a soul that you walk this life with, raw, revealed, ever-growing and changing and in full surrender to loving and supporting them in their raw, revealed, ever-growing and changing state. Find your soul partner and allow it to look however it needs in order to be in full support of the most authentic and stripped down you.

My support pack is a group of incredibly beautiful and supportive beings. My pack consists of women and men from all areas and stages of my life and each one of them holds a special and important part of my support network. The beauty and connection in each relationship is unique and filled with love; without drama, back talking, jealousy or judgement, there is an unprecedented feeling of full love and support.

Moving to a new town where I literally do not know 1 person, has presented me with a new set of challenges and has asked of me that I put myself out there in a way that I have never done before. Having the courage to be raw and vulnerable in a place where a support pack does not exist yet is beyond terrifying and exhilarating. This adventure is calling me to dig deep, deeper than I have ever gone before and to stay true to my heart and soul. I was put on this planet in this skin suit for a purpose and I will not let that go to waste. With the love and support of my pack, no matter how far away they are, I can truly do anything!


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